Westminster School

Westminster is a prestigious boarding school located in Simsbury, Connecticut. Despite the school’s size of less than 450 students, Westminster boasts an impressive athletic program including recent New England champion swim, soccer, softball and field hockey teams. These successes aside, Westminster is frequently embarrassed by their Avon Old Farms rivalry game, one they have unfortunately never won. This doesn’t matter, though, because they are always outshone by Westminster’s fantastic girls hockey program. Other prep schools like to shit on Westminster, but that’s just because they’re mad everyone at their school is depressed and Westy isn’t. An aspect of Westminster that highlights how much of a family the school really is is the fact that the head and junior prefect are in love with each other but just don’t know it yet, and are frequently referred to as ‘Mr. And Mrs. Head Prefect’. For housing, students have two options: brand new, clean dorms with lots of natural light, or Cushing or Alumni.

Westy Girl 1: did you hear that Westminster School just beat Loomis in hockey!
Westy girl 2: yes! I’m so glad we didn’t have a filmed orgy at our school.
Westy girl 1: same. I’m so excited for the stud tonight!

by Meandmyhoes April 1, 2023

Westminster Alarm Clock

A sexual act closely related to a handjob. The receiver positions themselves so his phallus is accessible. At precisely the top of the hour, a partner grasps the receiver’s phallus and yanks on it with the force equivalent to the bell-ringers at Big Ben. This is succeeded by a shriek of either happiness or pain from the receiver. The amount of tugs depends on the time at the top of the hour. Dubbed “The Westminster Alarm Clock” due to Hugh Lupus Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster, having the act performed on him prior to the construction of Big Ben. Disgruntled neighbors typically awoke to 8 loud evenly spaced shrieks each morning.

Gina: What time is it?
Colin: Noon. Why?
Gina: No reason…
Colin: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!
Charlie: Sounds like Colin is getting one hell of a Westminster Alarm Clock. Oh shit! It’s noon! I’m gonna be late for that lunch date!

by TESTICLETWISTER October 13, 2024