two shits to a candlestick

to not know anything about anything

to "not hold two shits to a candlestick" is to think you know something but really know nothing

Dan: did you hear caleb's thoughts on obama care?
Emma: yeah, but the tool can't hold two shits to a candlestick when it comes to the goverment

by secretpumpkinking May 2, 2014

Candlestick Telephone

During a threesome between one woman and two men.

One penis enters the earlobe as she holds the shaft and the other enters orally.

e.g: 'Me and John did a cracking Candlestick Telephone on that chick from last night, she'll be deaf for at least a week'

by DocMcWilly August 13, 2018