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Occam's Hairy Dildo

A rule that, like Occam's Razor, requires you to favor the simplest explanations over the complex ones, but with the addition of also favoring the sexiest explanations over the mundane ones. An explanation of a thing is using Occam's Hairy Dildo if and only if simplification and sexualization are paired together into a beautiful, explanatory nutsack.
Student: Hey professor, can you please explain that notion using Occam's Hairy Dildo, because it's a little hard for me to grasp without visual aides.

Professor: Hell yea! I got you, fam.
by Carnivorous Pencil February 19, 2021
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Hairy Wiper

Rimming a wildly-unshaven butthole.
Davis and Ramirez completed every sex act in the Urban Dictionary catalogue, with the exception of the Hairy Wiper.
by kmikl September 4, 2021
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Hairy Noose

A term used to describe the effect on many unfortunate men of woman's greatest weapon. A weapon shamelessly wielded by a certain type of woman, effectively more often than not, to wickedly get her own way and reduce men to pathetic approximations of what they once were. The first sign of it's effect is typically when a male goes missing from weekly boys nights, card games, fishing trips and the like. More serious effects may even extend to a woman gaining access to such things as a closed male only WhatsApp group with understandly disastrous consequences.
Conversation over a beer:

Dude 1: What's happened to Joe? Haven't seen him for donkeys.

Dude 2: the dopey cunts fucked. He's shacked up with some ranga scrag who's been riding him to within an inch of his life. He's had a lengthy dry spell up to now so you can't blame him for dipping the wick but she's mad as a cut snake and won't let the poor fucker take so much as a piss without written permission. He'll wise up soon enough once he gets a decent look at her melon in the sunlight but for now he's well and truly caught in the hairy noose. I'd give him a month and we'll see him back. He loves the suds.
by SqueezyKneezy April 17, 2019
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Rose-hairy

A legendary level of fuzziness achieved by a girl named Rosemary whose body hair game is so strong, she could single-handedly knit a sweater during a heatwave. Often spotted rocking shorts with the confidence of a bald eagle in a wind tunnel.
Dude, I thought a squirrel brushed past my leg, but nope—it was just Rose-hairy leaning in for a hug.
by ThePunisher_617 June 12, 2025
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This bitch hairy

its self explanatory this bitch hairy
i was about to tap up then this bitch was hella hairy i said This bitch hairy af
by niga69420 February 10, 2020
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