Small liberal arts college on the St. Mary's River in southern Maryland. Known (though this word is used quite loosely) as the 'the Public Honors College,' St. Mary's prides itself on the things a liberal arts college normally would: a warm and intimite atmosphere, a nice campus and a broad but balanced education.
However, after a period of prolonged exposure (15 hours or more) the atmosphere of warmth and intimacy deteriorates into smugness and paranoid colostrophobia, the niceness of the campus dies along with summer leaving it a barren and bleak gulag, and the broad and balanced education you thought would make you a better overall person merely prevented you from advancing professionally in any specialized field and instead transformed you into the most pretentious drive-thru manager your local McDonald's has ever known.
Also known for frisbee golf, May Day and Hallowgreens. Whether or not you like frisbee golf (it's rarely called 'frolf' since there is no desire to save time among SMCM students as their time isn't valuable to begin with) you will find yourself dodging plastic discs at every corner of the campus. May Day, the day in which students run naked from one end of the campus to the other, is the very reason indeciency laws were drafted. Hallogreens is the crowing achievement of the drug and alcohol addictions that students have developed since their attendence; an event made even more special by the fact that students blackout in their own vomit (among other bodily fluids), dressed as their favorite 80s cartoon characters (a chilling visual representation of lost innocence. Sorry- that was the liberal arts degree talking).
If you're looking for a chance to never bathe again, save your birthday when you'll be foricibly tossed into St. Johns pond and subsequently contract cholera, to smoke weed, to drink cheap beer, to kick start a life of depression after your professors point out the infinite problems of the world without offering a glint of hope or feasable solutions resulting in you eventually blowing your brains out in the tub at the age of 27, to pop your collar and be either a WASPy bastard or a damn faux-hippie then early decision starts December 1st.
Tony: Hey, so where do you go to school?
Jack: St. Mary's College of Maryland.
Tony: Oh Mount St. Mary's! That cool. I--
Jack: No, St. Mary's College.
Tony: *blank stare*
Jack: In St. Mary's county.
Tony: *blank Stare*
Jack: In St. Mary's city.
Tony: *blank stare*
Jack: On the St. Mary's river!
Tony: *blank stare* ....Mount St. Mary's?
Jack: *hits Tony with a shovel*
Employer: So it says here you attended St. Mary's College of Maryland, the public honors college. Could you elaborate on what a 'public honors' college is exactly?
Sarah: Well, I-I'm not sure. I think it's because we're all honor students at heart.
Employer: *shakes head* Wow, thanks. Don't call us. We'll call you.
by m. kw
January 23, 2007