Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away there lived a mighty warrior king by the name of Raj the Balsara. A hideously grotesque creature called Araslabjar began to terrorize the countryside of his kingdom and eat babies. Raj donned his armor and rode his valiant steed bravely into battle and quickly beheaded the gruesome beastie. But then, its blood, which was actually hydrochloric acid, fell on him and he died a slow, agonizing death. The gods were saddened by his death. Oh how saddened they were. Yes. So very saddened. Yes. They were so saddened, in fact, that they all began to cry. Their tears rained down from Olympus and revived him, making him a god. The other gods lost all their powers because they were pussies and cried.
Raj the Balsara is a sexy sex god. We Rajtafarians recognize this divine truth and live in peace and harmony, worshipping our mighty Messiah. He delivered us from Araslabjar and he continues to deliver us from anything worthwhile or productive. We love our savior. Move over,
Jesus.
