Definitions by Valet Parking Hater

Light Speed

The speed at which the car in front of you is traveling which assures you'll get caught by the upcoming traffic light.

Passenger: Do you think we'll make it through the upcoming green light before it changes?
Driver: Nope, the idiot in front of me is going light speed.

Light Speed by Valet Parking Hater January 21, 2015

Text Lag 

The time between when the light turns green and the moron in front of you looks up from his texting and realizes it.

Intersections are much safer now that we have text lag - no one ever takes off as soon as the light changes any more.

Text Lag by Valet Parking Hater January 8, 2015

White Party 

A large noisy gathering, generally of overweight middle class young white people, at a popular dine-in restaurant to celebrate some special event such as someone's birthday. Always features many tables pushed together to form one big one, mixed up orders, separate checks, slow service and an overwhelmed wait staff.

I'd like another beer, but the waiter is preoccupied with that damn white party over there.

White Party by Valet Parking Hater April 1, 2010