The third attempt's definitions

the Crumps

Unlike more common venereal diseases, 'the Crumps' is a sexually transmitted infection of such resiliance, David Hasselhoff is said to be heard singing in the ear of the afflicted as their genitals finally crumble. Thought to have originated in Yorkshire when a radioactive pubic louse bit an unsuspecting young rugby player on the cock. Symptoms include but are not limited to:
Thick, cloudy or bloody discharge from the penis or vagina
Metallic rings appearing on the genitals
Painful bowel movements
Severe adverse reaction to alcohol
Poor life choices

Listen, and understand. You've caught the Crumps. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

If you've been stabbed and then you get shot, the stabbing is nothing. It's the same with HIV and the Crumps.

by The third attempt May 17, 2018