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Definitions by Señor Spaghetti

depression masturbation 

The act of masturbating to the most fucked up shit you can find on the internet while on 20% phone battery in the toilet or outside so that when you find the material to masturbate to, your phone will run out of battery and you can only use the image that has been instilled to your mind and the fresh smell of toilet shit.
Person 1: Hey man, how ya feeling this Monday morning.
Person 2: Not so good man, I feel like my life's going to shit.
Person 1: Then why not try depression masturbation, it won't make you feel better but you'll at least feel regret.