2 definition by Jellobelle

Top Definition
Fauxstian is the combination of Faux (which is a fancy french word for false/fake) + Christian.

A person who claims to be a Christian but whose actions go against true Christian teachings and would make Jesus - both baby Jesus and adult Jesus - cry.

When Jesus HIMSELF would not approve of the evil shenanigans of a self-professed Christian - that's a fauxstian.
Person 1: Did you hear about the teachers at the Christian school who bullied a 10 year old for being Canadian?

Person 2: I saw that in the news! Where's the love that Jesus preached? Remind me to never send my kid to that Fauxstian school!


Guy 1: Why does he have so much hate in his heart?

Guy 2: I know - and he does it all in Jesus' name. Jesus would not approve of this ish.

Guy 1: He gives us Christians a bad name.
Guy 2: He's not a Christian - He's a fauxstian!
Guy 1: Let us pray!
Guy 2: OK!

Bridesmaid 1: Why is the maid of honor being mean to me?
Bridesmaid 2: Oh, she hates you because you're (Insert random reason here).
Bridesmaid 1: I don't... how in the... but it's 2013. Doesn't she know by now that (Insert random explanation here)? I thought with her being so vocal about being a Good Christian, she'd be a more loving person.
Bridesmaid 2: Hey, preaching to the choir here! Hey, don't let her get you down. She's a fauxstian, not a Christian. The fact that she hates anyone for anything would make Baby Jesus cry.
by Jellobelle June 17, 2013

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Most often found in boys and men, it is the habit of exerting the least amount of effort and energy to accomplish a task, usually unsuccessfully.
Older Sister: Did you finish writing your resume for that job application?
Younger Brother: Yeah, here it is.
Older Sister: This is a mess.
Younger Brother: I couldn't find a good template, so I just made one up.
Older Sister: Um, well, here's a bunch I found on Google. Why was that so hard?
Younger Brother: It's not my fault, I have Male Pattern Laziness

Magazine Headline: Why Do Guys Date Skanks?
Reader 1: Can you believe they spent three pages on this?
Reader 2: That's three pages too many just to explain Male Pattern Laziness.
by Jellobelle June 01, 2012

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