Experienced clarinetist's definitions

alto clarinet

Invention of the devil to throw clarinet choirs out of tune. So pitchy that the e-flat alto was delegated to the saxophone section. Rarely necessary in bands or orchestras, but when orchestrated for e-flat, line should be instead played by e-flat soprano, a bright, lively, slightly more in tune clarinet

Warning on Alto Clarinet case: Hazardous contents. Avoid contact with hands and mouth. If heard, immediately flush ears with Brahms or Mozart. More volatile in numbers. Also, should not be combined with amateur oboe or string player, as such a mixture has a significant correlation with the development of bipolar disorder.

by Experienced clarinetist May 1, 2006