The one eyed pirate should be a selfish act. Get her from behind, and as you are gettin 'er done, reach around the back of your head with the right hand, covering the left eye (or vice-versa if you are a southpaw). A parrot on the shoulder is optional. Saying "Aaargh!" or "Shiver me timbers!" is not.
Aye! Polly! Check out this one eyed pirate!