Definitions by Blaze McRustbucket
Carson
Carson is a walking, talking cautionary tale usually found in a cloud of exhaust and burning motor oil, clutching the steering wheel of a 1998 Chevy Silverado that’s 60% rust, 30% Bondo, and 10% active fire hazard.
Treats starting grass fires with a road flare as “backyard landscaping.”
Considers a “patina” anything that isn’t currently on fire.
Has replaced every fluid in his truck with whatever was on sale at the gas station (current cocktail: 2-stroke oil, Monster Energy, and optimism).
Intelligence level hovers somewhere between “racoon with a lighter” and “guy who tries to weld with a cigarette.
Life motto: “If it ain’t on fire, it ain’t fixed.”
Treats starting grass fires with a road flare as “backyard landscaping.”
Considers a “patina” anything that isn’t currently on fire.
Has replaced every fluid in his truck with whatever was on sale at the gas station (current cocktail: 2-stroke oil, Monster Energy, and optimism).
Intelligence level hovers somewhere between “racoon with a lighter” and “guy who tries to weld with a cigarette.
Life motto: “If it ain’t on fire, it ain’t fixed.”
Carson by Blaze McRustbucket December 11, 2025