1 definition by BarryGoldwater

The most beautiful of all meats. Its perfection is to such a degree that in Dante's "Divine Comedy", the highest level of heaven was described as being made from bacon.

According to numerous ancient texts, bacon is the divine force that prevents Chaos from destroying the universe. The primal gods needed food to supply them with the energy to create everything, and that food was bacon.

Nowadays, bacon can be prepared in numerous ways:
1) Fried
2) Raw (not recommended)
3) Smoked
4) Baked (like fried, but not greasy)
5) Caramelized (sugary bliss)
6) Covered in chocolate
7) Supplemented with lesser foods (as in filet mignon)
8) Milkshakes, ice creams, etc.

Essentially, bacon is the ambrosia of all foods. Without, mankind would descend into darkness and perish. To prevent this, bacon should be consumed once a week AT MINIMUM. Else, dire consequences would ensue.

There is a special place in Hell for those who despise bacon.
A) The true reason that the Romans destroyed Jerusalem in the late 1st century CE was that the Jewish people refused to accept the Romans' gift of divine bacon.

B) "When you can't have sex, have bacon. When you can't have bacon, cry." -Every sane human. Ever.

C) Bacon is to meats as badonkadonk is to female anatomy.
by BarryGoldwater November 7, 2012
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