an alternative for 'what the fuck'. is more accepted by public, as crap is less offensive than fuck, obviously. 'what the shit' can also be used, as can other variations. eg: 'what the crapper'
'what the shitface'
for internet use: replace 'wtf' with 'wtc'
if people don't know it - send them here.
guy: dude, that lady over there is pretending to be a bird...
girl: what the shitface?!
guy: i know aye, what the crapper is she doing.