someone who only does something if they will benefit from it. Someone who is so two-faced that you might even call them Tommy Lee Jones.
Frank: Did you hear about about that whalen guy?
Jerry: No. What did he do?
Frank: He lied to my face about something, tried to sleep with my ex-girlfriend, then acted like his fake self in order to benefit from a situation.
Jerry: Damn. I can't think of a better way to describe him than calling him a whalen.
When a man poops onto a frozen dinner, microwaves it, and serves it to himself and another man.
I was famished after a hard day's work, but luckily, my friend served up a whalen and I was satisfied... hell yeah, I was satisfied...
Jack: How was the Dance, kid?
Joe: "Dude, was grinding this bidd, when i got completely whalened by a drunk guy humping me."
The art of seducing those who are associated with the phrase "more cushion for the pushin".
Potential Whalers can be seen pacing the perimeters of Lane Bryant or any all you can eat buffet. Often frequents ice cream locations to find potential mates.
Symptoms include: fucking fat chicks, marking his territory in a canine fashion, desperation to end the drought, obsession with Queen Latifah.
Friend: Dude, he's totally pulling a Whalen tonight!
Fat chick: I hope there's a Whalen here tonight!
To enjoy eating ice cream more than the average person, using the tongue excessively in a horatory manner.
-"Man, that whalen last night was outrageous! Right in marin, too"
-"You used a condom man? Or was it a rachelcream boston pie?"