on certain occasions, after one has consumed a particularly elegant meal—for example, of curried mussels with sausages, french fried potatoes, and port wine drunk from pig's bladders—one may seek to capture the essence of one's gaseous excretions in a flask. this typically happens only once or twice in a decade. the very best farts are known "body-spirits," or "esprit-de-corps," in the original french. such ripples will gain in complexity during the years they spend in the bottle, acquiring notes of dogshit, turpentine, penis sweat, and shark farts.
jamal: shall or shan't we uncork a few vintage farts this eve?
edgar: but of course, my good man.
jamal: i'll let you do the honors.
edgar: let me just take a dump right quick.
jamal: yeah no prob.
edgar: just opened it. smells so friggin good. just smells just like a dick.
jamal: cool.
edgar: yeah sick.
edgar: but of course, my good man.
jamal: i'll let you do the honors.
edgar: let me just take a dump right quick.
jamal: yeah no prob.
edgar: just opened it. smells so friggin good. just smells just like a dick.
jamal: cool.
edgar: yeah sick.
by trilliam turdsworth July 22, 2021