(friend at a distance):"Well you smell like the tarry nutty Pepto Bismal laced shits I spray into the toilet after I eat four jars of chunky Skippy, and drink 18 cans of Pepsi. You need to see a Gastrologist."
(Cabbage Boy):"I did and he told me I need a colonoscopy next week. Its so bad that I needed to used tomato juice on my Jockey Sport briefs, and a new pair of Levi's.
(friend at a distance):"Sounds to me like you have a bad case of rumplestelskin."