presturbation 

Presturbation is the act of watching porn to get you horny enough to watch the really awful porn you need to get off because you're dead inside.

The term originates from Michael Swaim of Cracked.com

Guy 1: My girlfriend walked in on me watching porn the other day. Luckily I was just presturbating so it wasn't anything too nasty. A few minutes later and she would have seen my collection of loli midget amputee vore hentai. Presturbation saved my relationship.

Guy 2: You're dead inside, aren't you?

Guy 1: Oh, most definitely.

presturbation by That name is already taken September 2, 2011

Poopsturbation 

The act of grabbing a crock of shit and using it as lubricant while polishing the rusty handle (aka jacking off). Not for the faint hearted. Widely practiced in Germany.

Jacking off old school is nice and all, but poopsturbation gets me off in seconds!

Poopsturbation by ein Kackspieler November 5, 2010

posturbation 

also: Posturbating

'liking' or 'upping' your own posts.

If you have to like or up your own post, it's posturbation, and you probably should have kept it to yourself anyway.

posturbation by pteryakisan October 30, 2013

wokesturbation 

When somebody goes around preening about how enlightened they are but then they never advocate any specific policy reforms that might actually solve the problem they’re supposedly so woke about.

Tahini Panini Coates was arrested today on charges of lewd and disorderly public wokesturbation

wokesturbation by Goofball2020 June 10, 2022

Poolsturbation

When playing pool/billiards, and you either miss an easy shot or make a shot and leave yourself no possible shot to follow. Leaving your opponent satisfied without having to do a thing.

I gave the Chucklhead easy satisfaction on the pool table when my poor play left him able to make himself happy. Poolsturbation.

Poolsturbation by Grandpasmith April 17, 2024

Poolsturbation

When playing a game of billiards, after successfully making your designated ball, and you do not leave yourself a follow-up shot. Effectively screwing yourself during your turn. Can be conjugated to "poolsturbated" or "poolsturbate".

"While playing Erik at Bozeman's bar, I made a great shot and left myself nothing to shoot at. Dang poolsturbation!"

Poolsturbation by Grandpasmith February 4, 2025