to rub yourself untill you have an orgasm (the point where you feel so good you feel like you died and were reborn as a god)98% of people do it and the rest who dont are so old they cant feel it anymore or hav a desease so they cant feel it.also funny that if you dont know some1 that also does it you will never hear that they do it. i have friends that do it and i do it too and im sure that i got a friend to do it by looking at porn while he was over lol.for best results have your select favorite kind of porn and lube(u no hav to buy try certan gel soaps/shampoos lol sum are better than expencive comercial lube) also night is great to cover up along wit shower lol(the only reson guys dont masturbate together is bcause they dont know how their dicks compare ::truth)and the myth about masturbation making your dik smaller :fake: along with the gay thing parents tell you to make you stop with the blindness lol obviously fake.after your first cumming you will never spend more than a week without it again
person 1)ew you masturbate(trying to act surprised)
person 2)ya who doesnt?
person 1)what kinda porn u like?(whispering)
person 2)wide variety.
person 1)u got a good site i got 3 viruses so far?
person 2)ya (i was gonna rite a good 1 but that would count as advertising lol)!
by I es unknown February 07, 2008
To cuff the duke!!! this is for the hardcore masturbaters. this is modern slang. It means to really rub out a good one A good place to cuff the duke is in a roomates bed while he is out pleasuring his lady friend. cuffing the duke is great when done alone or with mulitple partners. I recommend cuffing out many dukes today.
I am going to cuff the duke(masturbate hardcore), do not disturb!
by Erik S April 16, 2006
What you probably just got done doing
After I masturbate I surf the web so that if people who suspected me to be masturbating walk in, they will think I was surfing the Internet the whole time.
by Awaress December 14, 2008
the act of sticking your finger in your p**sy and moving it around to sexualy please yourself.
sam" Whatd ya do last night?"
Pam" i had to masturbate yself just cause it feels to good"
by masturbategrl July 19, 2008
Something that Jesus watches you do. Especially when you are stuck in a porta-john and an angry tranny is banging on the door shouting "GO FASTER!"
As Bob stared at the midgets having sex on his computer monitor, he pulled out his pecker and masturbated. As he was in the middle of wankin' one out, he noticed it was dark outside and noticed a bluish light flash outside his window and heard a huge thunder. Suddenly, LIGHTNING STRUCK HIS HOUSE AND EVERYONE DIED!

And on that fine day, Jesus said the two words in a booming voice that humanity will forever cherish, "Don't masturbate."
by MrCat January 24, 2015
To jerk off, to jack off, to whack off, to beat off, to crank on out, to thrash, to choke the (Chinese) chicken, to pinch the one-eyed snake, to slap the salami, to spank the dolphin, to flog the dolphin, to pull the pork, to polish one's gun, to shine the silver, to beat the bishop, to smack little johnny behind his German helmet and purple bulbous ear, to do the five knuckle shuffle, to make love with oneself, to beat around the bush, to flick the sausage, to punch the purple ninja, to juice the snake, to peel the banana, to milk the cow, to squeeze the purple-headed yogurt-slinger, to slap the monkey, to tame the dragon, to play pocket pool, to go bowling by oneself, to hit a homerun in the homefield, and yet, to strike out, to whittle the woodblock, to shimmy up and down the pole of love, to initiate the Saturn V, to turn on the sprinklers, to turn on one's love hose, to punch the clown in the nose, to tweek the deek, to hit the dick, to tallywhack, to soil the Kleenex, to smother the hanky, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few.
Most guys should know what I'm talking about.
by Master Chesco April 19, 2004
Scratch your itch, diddle the skittle, wanking
"Wut r ur plans for tonite rhonda?"
"No plans. Prolly gonna sit at home n' masturbate."
by GypsieGurl7892 March 23, 2014
Waxing the Turtle or shaving the carrot.
Frederick woke up with a boner so he went in the bathroom and waxed his turtle.

He really needed to blow his load so he shaved the carrot in the shower.

"It means masturbate if you haven't got that ar tard!"
by PeckMcGee August 20, 2008

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