1.) What you do when your girlfriend is not at home.

2.) The reason why people buy playboys.

3.) The reason why old people are having more heart attacks.

4.) The reason why birth-rate decreased by 60% in the last 20 years.

5.) What 30% of the world population is doing now.
The old man had several heart attacks due to his recent masturbations. He had too much excitement
by Jake April 22, 2005
To cuff the duke!!! this is for the hardcore masturbaters. this is modern slang. It means to really rub out a good one A good place to cuff the duke is in a roomates bed while he is out pleasuring his lady friend. cuffing the duke is great when done alone or with mulitple partners. I recommend cuffing out many dukes today.
I am going to cuff the duke(masturbate hardcore), do not disturb!
by Erik S April 16, 2006
What you probably just got done doing
After I masturbate I surf the web so that if people who suspected me to be masturbating walk in, they will think I was surfing the Internet the whole time.
by Awaress December 14, 2008
the act of sticking your finger in your p**sy and moving it around to sexualy please yourself.
sam" Whatd ya do last night?"
Pam" i had to masturbate yself just cause it feels to good"
by masturbategrl July 19, 2008
Scratch your itch, diddle the skittle, wanking
"Wut r ur plans for tonite rhonda?"
"No plans. Prolly gonna sit at home n' masturbate."
by GypsieGurl7892 March 23, 2014
To jerk off, to jack off, to whack off, to beat off, to crank on out, to thrash, to choke the (Chinese) chicken, to pinch the one-eyed snake, to slap the salami, to spank the dolphin, to flog the dolphin, to pull the pork, to polish one's gun, to shine the silver, to beat the bishop, to smack little johnny behind his German helmet and purple bulbous ear, to do the five knuckle shuffle, to make love with oneself, to beat around the bush, to flick the sausage, to punch the purple ninja, to juice the snake, to peel the banana, to milk the cow, to squeeze the purple-headed yogurt-slinger, to slap the monkey, to tame the dragon, to play pocket pool, to go bowling by oneself, to hit a homerun in the homefield, and yet, to strike out, to whittle the woodblock, to shimmy up and down the pole of love, to initiate the Saturn V, to turn on the sprinklers, to turn on one's love hose, to punch the clown in the nose, to tweek the deek, to hit the dick, to tallywhack, to soil the Kleenex, to smother the hanky, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few.
Most guys should know what I'm talking about.
by Master Chesco April 19, 2004
when a man slowly and while getting quicker rubs his penis up and down when he is horny until he ejaculates. results in extreme satisfaction.
last night i walked in on my brother masturbating. it made me horny so i stole his playboy, took off all my clothes, and started to masturbate in my room.
by AlwaysBord April 09, 2007
*some of the* slang words for masturbation: bashing the candle, Bleeding the weasel, bleedin the weed, buffing the banana, bopping the baloney, burping the worm, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, corking the bat, cranking the shank, cuffing the carrot, fisting your mister, flogging your dog, floggin the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the log, flute solo, jerkin'the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, pocket pinball, pocket pool, polishing the banister, polishing the rocket, pounding your flounder, pumping the python, roping the pony, spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank, and waxing your carrot.
Now... Banning fantasizing about your neighbors wife? Well what else is a man supposed to think about while he's waxing his carrotmasturbate?
-Source: George Carlin
by Aazn January 24, 2006

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