Top Definition
A figurative expression meaning being a complete failure at life, a drain on society. Originates from the SNL skit featuring Chris Farley as Matt Foley, motivational speaker.
"You kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to jack squat!" You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!" -Matt Foley

Dad: "You made it, son! Congratulations on graduating from Harvard Summa Cum Laude and getting that great job at Goldman Sachs, the world's #1 investment bank."
Son: "Thanks, dad. But actually I only got Magna Cum Laude and will be working at Morgan Stanley, the #2 investment bank in the world."
Dad: "WHAAAAAAT?!?! How have I raised such a worthless, good-for-nothing slacker? You couldn't even finish in the top 10% of your Harvard class with your 3 point..."
Son: "3.76."
Dad: "3.76? A monkey with down syndrome could get a better GPA than that! You miserable failure!"
Son: "Dad, seriously, I worked really hard!"
Dad: "I bet you did! I bet you worked your ass off playing beer pong and chasing the coeds! Well sonny, you're going to have plenty of time to drink beer and chase trashy women when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"
by Nick D June 20, 2006
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