Lives life in dark depressing areas such as schwag basements. To the common eye a Schwagendall or Kirkenschwag may appear as a normal person but after many failed attempts it is clear that the Schwagendall cannot obain pussy. His personal sexual orientation is not confirmed due to his multiple decades of repeated pussy futility. Enjoys the hobby of smoking herb, and by herb I mean other peoples herb of whom he is mooching off due to his persistent streak of being completely nugless and completely broke. BE WARNED although the Kirkenschwag house/schwagenbasement is always accessible there is rarely nug available to match and you will likely be smoking multiple coons down. (example listed below)In the schwagenhouse there are multiple 'creatures' or 'beings' that you must be aware of when entering for your own personal saftey and well being, they are as follows:more...
MONSTER-a large fat pot smoking kirk, has traits similar to ol' L Kirk himself such as mass percy videogamery and no pussy.
FAT BABY- a large fat baby... Plays a lot of videogames and eats a lot of food, occupies the KirkenTv (no cable) 24/7 or until removed by a fellow Schwagendall.
PFD- (Penis Face Dog)A large white dog. Of whom clearly wants to leave with you everytime you go, but also happens to shed more than life itself giving the Schwagenhouse a nice little white glimmer of allergic dog hair, to go along with the horrid stench of cat piss.
Schwagencar- Audible from 2 miles with its Hitchcock esque screech....