A descendant of Biblical Hebrews. They are characterized by olive skin, men having frizzy beards, and often brown eyes.
"I'm of Jewish descent." "Adam Sandler is the funniest Jew around!"
by A Jew named Britt May 27, 2005
Besides having the biggest dicks of all other religions, (besides mormons), Jews were instrumental in bringing about the weekend. Unions will try to take this credit, but it was the Jews.
We should thank the Jews for having weekends
by str8pmpn June 30, 2014
A member of the widely dispersed people descended from the ancient Hebrews and sharing an ethnic heritage based on Judaism.
Jews are an ethnic group. I'M A JEW :)
by Hebrew Hunk April 28, 2007
See Avi Spector.
Avi Spector is a Jew!
by monkey hugger tree November 20, 2008
The God himself, or the mysterious perfection and deification of the human character.
Not only do you need to have blood from one of the 12 tribes, but also study the mysteries of the Torah, oral law, and cabala to reach the status of a Jew.
by Mr. Illuminasty June 18, 2010
Jews are a cultural, ethnic, and religious group with origins in the Middle East. They were exiled from their land thousands of years ago by the ancient Romans and wandered throughout the world, while holding onto their cultural traditions and language the entire time. The return of Jews to the land of Israel in modern times is considered a miracle by many, both Jews and non-Jews. Whether miracle or not, it is an amazing historic event. Modern genetic studies have shown that Jews from all over Europe, Iran, Iraq, Morocco, Algeria, and many other places have a close genetic relationship based on their common Israelite origin; also, they have an admixture of genes from neighboring peoples, so Jews are no more or less a race than are Armenians, Swedes, Greeks, etc.
The one characteristic that stands out in Jewish culture is the ability to look at the world in a new way. That's why people such as Abraham, Jesus, Freud, Marx, Einstein, and many others, have changed our basic outlook on the world.
Unfortunately, many people do not understand Jews and Judaism very well. The fact that this group has been subject to attempts to eliminate them through genocide (Nazi Germany, the Crusades, ancient Persia, ancient Egypt) has left a trauma on the Jewish national consciousness. In the modern era, genocidal intentions against the Jewish people remain a threat, chiefly by practitioners of Jihad terrorism, abetted by a propaganda war against the State of Israel in the world media. Ironically, despite the "stinginess" stereotype, Jews give more to charities than any other ethnic group. Jews do like to get a good deal, though. Why pay retail?
Neighbor: "I see you've got your bags packed. Going on vacation?"

Jewish Guy: "No, I'm Jewish."

Observer: "When you get two Jews together why are there three opinions?"

Jewish Guy: ""We're saving one for a rainy day."

by Edwin D. R. February 02, 2008
One who practices Judaism, which is THE original monotheistic religion. Though Jews constitute merely one quarter of one percent of the world population (about 1 in 400 people), approximately 25% of all Nobel Prizes are won by Jews. Additionally, only about 3% of America's population is Jewish, but Jews have a dominant presence in every top university in America (27% of Ivy League students are Jewish), as well as every professional field, ranging from medicine and law, to entertainment and film.

Many like to attribute Jewish success to reasons such as greed and thrift, and many even think Jews get preferential treatment - these accusations are foolish, and those who propagate them are ignorant to say the very least; Jews have faced the utmost degree of persecution for thousands of years, yet continue to disproportionately accomplish great things - not only in number, but also in magnitude. Furthermore, studies have conclusively shown that the average Jewish person has an IQ in the 85th percentile among their non-Jewish caucasian counterparts, and that Jews are six times more likely to have an IQ in the genius range (140 and above) than the average person.

More statistics:
- Almost half of the money contributed to democratic primaries have been from Jewish donors
- 40% of partners at the top NY and DC law firms are Jewish
- Jews constitute 30% of the faculty members at the 15 most elite American colleges
- 23% of the Forbes "500 richest Americans" were Jewish
- Half of all world chess champions have been Jewish

A mind-blowing number of the most prominent figures in history have been Jewish. As this (very short) list illustrates, they have been prominent in all aspects of life:

- Albert Einstein (theoretical physicist)
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg (supreme court justice)
- George Gershwin (music composer)
- Harry Houdini (magician, escape artist)
- Sigmund Freud (philosopher)
- Noam Chomsky (linguist, political activist)
- Steven Spielberg (movie producer)
- Sandy Koufax (baseball pitcher, hall of fame member)
- Joseph Lieberman (U.S. senator, should be vice president right now)
- Moses Horwitz, Samuel Horwitz, Louis Feinberg (the three stooges, pioneers in american comedy and popular culture)

Though no one may have the divine jurisdiction to dub themselves as "the chosen people", the Jews certainly make a good case for themselves.
Look at that Jew. He's so damn rich, smart and good-looking. I wish I could be more like him!
by Joshie Poopoo August 10, 2007
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