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haemorrhoid 

1) A person who can't take a hint and leave.

2) Unwanted immigrant, such as a Pom (someone of English extraction)

3) Any pain in the arse.
Poms are like haemorrhoids. They come out, they are a pain in the arse and they won't go back.
haemorrhoid by sociopath9 May 1, 2009

haemorrhoid aisle 

As coined by Stephen Fry on QI, it is a euphemism for the anus. The term has connotations of gay sex.
"He likes to take it up the haemorrhoid aisle"
haemorrhoid aisle by Amy1993 April 6, 2010

Hemorrhoids 

When your anus hurts because there's not enough fiber in your diet or you ate a ghost pepper or you destroyed your ass with a dragon dildo, causing massive inflammation.
What the fuck was God thinking when He packed tons of nerve clusters and veins into the anus area?!?!?! Didn't He know that people would get painful Hemorrhoids?!?!?! Didn't he know that I and countless others would be suffering to death at the hands of old age due to His poor decisions?!?!?!
Hemorrhoids by Bad C dev February 28, 2021

Hemorrhoids 

Bleeding from the asshole.
My hemorrhoids are stinging and have stained my jocks.
Hemorrhoids by Ausstralian November 14, 2007

John Wayne hemorrhoids 

The sound of large amounts of change banging against one's leg whilst wearing loose trousers. So named because of the similarity with the sound of cowboy boot spurs.
"I went to the shop this morning to buy a packet of Apple Hubba Bubba. I only had a £20 note but they had no fivers or tenners! So I've now got a pocket of Cunt's Tender and a very bad case of the John Wayne hemorrhoids."

haemorRoid

haemorRoid. Pronounced like Haemorrhoid with an emphasis on the second R which is always a capital letter.

Refers to Android and Android users who know nothing but carry-on like they are Neo from the Matrix.

Having scrapped through the Microsoft Certification, They know how to install software using an installer, replace component parts in a computer, and say 'have you tried turning it off and on again?' (interchangeable with 'do you want to go large?").

They claim to be heavy-weight coders, but most contemporary 13 years have more knowledge than them.

They will claim that there chosen mobile OS is superior to all others, even though the reality is they either can not afford, or have never used the best alternative to HaemorRoid. Most statements start with 'I hate Apple'.
eg 'I hate Apple, what's the time?' or 'I hate Apple, do you want fries with that?'

They have dire dead end jobs where the best they can hope for is a promotion to help desk.

They believe everything that Google (better known as Screw-U-gle) and Shamesung tell them. Even when Screw-U-gle and Shamesung are caught lying, they still promote the lie as truth.

Are capable of time travel as they believe everything copied from Apple was on the HaemorRoid first.

They claim haemorRoid is more secure due to the fact the average user checks the source code, but after 2 years not one of them found the HeartBleed bug.

See: Mouth-breather/compulsive masturbator
Roid-Rager: "I hate Apple, Android was first at everything, Googles/Samsungs marketing department said insert bulls#it"

Someone with real technical knowledge: "I use my phone, not masturbate over it, glad I didn't get a HaemorRoid phone."

Roid-Rager: I know everything about tech, coding, design, development, marketing, law and science, see I can quote things I looked up on youtube that I didn't really understand and I have never bothered to check the facts.

Normal person with taste: "that massive white phone covered on pleater looks ridiculous and tacky, are you from Billericay?" Sniggers under breath "chav".

Roid-Rager: "shut up you don't even know [insert flaky feature that has zero benefits and only works once out of ten attempts to use it."
haemorRoid by Andy Rubin April 16, 2014