This is the first, and least offensive, degrees on the scale of douchebaggery in which a person can commit. It's observed by the violator's general ignorance to the fact that he/she has even committed such a crime at all. Usually the offense is innocent enough in nature, and independent of any other incident(s); perhaps, even the only such occasion that the individual has performed. The litmus test for 1st-degree douchebaggery can be performed by noticing if the individual is instantly self-aware of the incident, and if they are quick to apologize for it.
Shrek: "Man, Jeff bailed on me last weekend when we were supposed to go kayaking. He said he had accidently double-booked himself, and that we could re-schedule. That's some serious douchebaggery."
Scuff: "Hmmm. No man, normally Jeff is pretty straight-up about things. I think this is just a simple case of douchebaggery in the 1st degree."
Shrek: "I think you're right. How findeth the Court of Public Opinion, Jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 1st degree?"
Bystanders: "GUILTY!!!"
Shrek: "Motion carries. Sentencing tomorrow at noon."
Note: If the Court of Public Opinion has found the defendant to be guilty of a prior charge of 1st-degree douchebaggery, it may very well be possible that the current charge in question escalates to the next-highest level in magnitude; douchebaggery in the 2nd degree. In addition, the prior conviction also gets elevated to this new, and even more egregious level based on principle alone.
Scuff: "Hmmm. No man, normally Jeff is pretty straight-up about things. I think this is just a simple case of douchebaggery in the 1st degree."
Shrek: "I think you're right. How findeth the Court of Public Opinion, Jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 1st degree?"
Bystanders: "GUILTY!!!"
Shrek: "Motion carries. Sentencing tomorrow at noon."
Note: If the Court of Public Opinion has found the defendant to be guilty of a prior charge of 1st-degree douchebaggery, it may very well be possible that the current charge in question escalates to the next-highest level in magnitude; douchebaggery in the 2nd degree. In addition, the prior conviction also gets elevated to this new, and even more egregious level based on principle alone.
by Sir Scoofsalot February 9, 2015