distorian 

distorian—noun 1. a person who distorts, rather than honestly reports, history. 2. a person who, under the guise of reporting history, engages in a diatribe, debunking, or moral defenestration. 3. a person whose view of history is decidedly downbeat or misanthropic. adjective, of or concerning such a faux-historical or negative attitude or reporting.

A White House distorian says George Bush is the best president the US has ever had.

That new book that claims there was no Holocaust was obviously written by a distorian.

All those gloomy-doomy types that deny the world is constantly getting better are taking a distorian view of things.

distorian by J. Karlin September 13, 2006

DIStorian 

a DIStorian is a historian who specializes in the history of the Disney Company

"Disney actually has a rather rough history compared to many top companies today." said DIStorian Joe Shmoe.

DIStorian by notbowlingdude November 9, 2020

Vagina Distortion Field 

Like the notorious reality distortion field (RDF) of Steve Jobs, a Vagina Distortion Field (VDF) affects perception, which thereby alters behavior. When someone is affected by a woman's VDF, every aspect of her being seemingly improves in that person's view. A woman's VDF typically only influences those who have not yet had access to said vagina. Being warped by a VDF is different than being pussy whipped. With the latter, the whipped individual behaves abnormally to maintain access to the pussy, but perception of the vagina owner is not altered. The VDF often has the greatest affect on the owner of the vagina, making her vastly overestimate her worth, influence, and potential.

Spock: "Captain, you are once again risking the lives of the entire crew in the pursuit of some green slag."

Kirk: "Mr. Spock, your libido-less Vulcan logic fails to grasp the enormity of the daily Pon Farr that starship command subjects on a man."

Spock: "Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov, move the Enterprise as far as is necessary and raise whatever shield is needed to protect the captain's mind from the insidious Vagina Distortion Field that is destroying his judgement."

Kirk: "Spawwwwwwwwwk!!!"

<cue Kirk fight music>

Vagina Distortion Field by Bachelor boB January 17, 2012

temporal disorientation 

A state in which an individual has no bearing of time whatsoever. Can be caused by long periods of drinking, heavy drinking, concussions, coma, deep sleeps, or just general obliviousness.

After that 12th tequila shot I came to at my buddy's house in a state of complete temporal disorientation.

I jacked Mike in the head so hard he didn't know what day it was (temporal disorientation).

temporal disorientation by testicles...that is all March 11, 2010

distortionist 

A less biting, somewhat elegant and mystical sounding term used to describe a practiced liar.

At one time, before his traitorous cognitive decline, the Hitman in Chief was a most prolific and talented distortionist.

distortionist by Dr Bunnygirl September 27, 2019

Discordian American Princess 

When a Disney Princess creates chaos by showing she's not as pure as people think, she becomes a Discordian American Princess.

It also applies to any teenage girl or young woman who's had a wholesome, clean-cut image that suddenly changes when she does something shocking.

Miley Ray Cyrus showed her smile as a Disney Princess. But her spiritual advisor Reverend Loveshade and photographer Annie Leibovitz changed all that. As soon as she posed naked in a sheet, and posed with her father Billy Ray Cyrus touching her inner thigh, she became a Discordian American Princess!

Also Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Emily Sander aka Zoey Zane.

Discordian American Princess by Felicia Barton August 3, 2008

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