The psychological battle which ensues after becoming aware of someone in the toilet cubicle next to you and you suspect they're aware of you.
The pressure of knowing your 'opponent' can hear everything you do precipitates a battle over who can handle themselves the best in such a situation. It ultimately reflects your confidence and ability to take a shit.
While of course a cubicle duel is never discussed, certain rules can always be assumed:
1. Squeltchy farts, pebbledashing etc count against you - they simply reflect an inability to handle that Prawn Madras you had at lunch.
2. Splashback is essentially an own goal.
3. Bottling it, i.e. failing to lay anything down at all, results in instant disqualification - if you can't handle the pressure, get out of the kitchen (or shitter, as the case may be)
Cubicle duels can happen in any location, but are most likely to occur in the toilets at work, as most people don't have a cubicle-based shitting arrangement at home. When you're in a pub or club you rarely care, plus the ambient noise often drowns out the sound of detonating a 20 megaton monster fudge dragon.
This can add an extra dimension to the cubicle duel as you may know your opponent: seeing your enemy's face after you've beaten them can allow you to feel superior for the rest of the day, while having to look your defeater in the face can be hugely humiliating and may call for a half day.
The pressure of knowing your 'opponent' can hear everything you do precipitates a battle over who can handle themselves the best in such a situation. It ultimately reflects your confidence and ability to take a shit.
While of course a cubicle duel is never discussed, certain rules can always be assumed:
1. Squeltchy farts, pebbledashing etc count against you - they simply reflect an inability to handle that Prawn Madras you had at lunch.
2. Splashback is essentially an own goal.
3. Bottling it, i.e. failing to lay anything down at all, results in instant disqualification - if you can't handle the pressure, get out of the kitchen (or shitter, as the case may be)
Cubicle duels can happen in any location, but are most likely to occur in the toilets at work, as most people don't have a cubicle-based shitting arrangement at home. When you're in a pub or club you rarely care, plus the ambient noise often drowns out the sound of detonating a 20 megaton monster fudge dragon.
This can add an extra dimension to the cubicle duel as you may know your opponent: seeing your enemy's face after you've beaten them can allow you to feel superior for the rest of the day, while having to look your defeater in the face can be hugely humiliating and may call for a half day.
<Shortly after entering a cubicle, you hear someone enter the cubicle next to you>
Your internal monologue: "Right, I've got a cubicle duel on my hands here. Must...not...make...embarassing...noises..."
Your anus: "Sqeak!"
Your internal monologue: "Fuck!"
Your internal monologue: "Right, I've got a cubicle duel on my hands here. Must...not...make...embarassing...noises..."
Your anus: "Sqeak!"
Your internal monologue: "Fuck!"
by whomereallywho November 13, 2010
The act of asking a girl, through social media, whether she would be interested in going into a cubicle with you, to then proceed to strip down infront of you. Not for you to touch her or anything, but just to see the girl naked up close. In return, you would be inclined to strip down yourself, as a reward for her going first.
by Mogar117 September 25, 2016
by Matt and Blaine December 9, 2010
Like a real farm, except where you normally have pigs and cows wandering in fenced-off pens, you have white-collar drones wandering (mentally) in walled-off cubicles. Every so often, the (farmer) boss comes by to harvest the fruits of the farm, whether they are eggs, milk or TPS reports.
by Zip September 3, 2004
Often found in large companies with pervasive cubicle environments. The existence of very heavy-set, adult-aged yet Peter Pan-obsessed males that appear from cubicles looking as if they have recently emerged from a dark cave, having hibernated for the winter or just participated in the latest Halo or Guitar Hero tournament. They often take off work in order to spend nights outside of Best Buy to purchase the latest version of Xbox. These un-shaved, wild-haired creatures tend to gather in large groups around the latest technical advancements in manufacturing or engineering.
Hey did you see Joe the Cubicle Troll today? No, man - I haven't seen that guy since Star Wars: The Clone Wars came out. Oh wait, I think I see him now dragging his knuckles along the floor and grunting down the hallway with the newest edition of Gaming Weekly magazine.
by UMAYB1 August 27, 2008
Mary is on medical leave. She was a hard worker but broke down and had a bad case of cubicle psychosis.
by drjudyg November 4, 2010
A monotonous office environment characterized by approximately 3.3 walls, no doors and ceilings in attempt to make you feel like you have private space. Generally white-collar drones wandering off (mentally) in hope of making it through the week without aggravating the farmer (boss).
by Daydreamin15 February 19, 2015