Taylor: Hey dude, where's Alex? I haven't seen him in a few days.
Chase: Last time I saw him he left his textbook in English and went back to get it on Monday.
Garrett: Doesn't he know that teacher is collum? His soul is probably in hell right now!

Jerry: "Dude, I just got out of <insert satanist teacher here>'s class, and <he/she>'s a total collum!"
Fabio: "How so?"
Jerry: "While we were taking a test, <he/she> started speaking in tongues again... the lights were flickering and everything. Actually... I think I shat myself."

-OR-

Phillip: "I swear my yorkiepoo is a collum."
Vladimir: "Why do you say this, comrade?"
Phillip: Well, every so often it'll go into the basement-
Vladimir: What is this so called 'base-mend' of which you speak?"
Phillip: "Shut up. It'll go into my basement and scratch freaky symbols in the floor, and then it starts talking, like a person, except deeper."
Vladimir: "In Mother Russia all dogs act like this. Is it uncommon in America?"