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1.
One long, continuous turd purposefully left in the toilet by its former owner as a "trophy shit".

It spirals around the inside of the bowl, showing those who enter the John Q. Public afterwards just how supremely talented, artistic, and considerate, its manufacturer is.

KAREN: Wow, that was fast!

WILLY: Yeah, well, I didn't use the John, because there was a coiled snake in one stall ...

KAREN: A coiled snake! Oh my God! Did you tell the manager?

WILLY: No, honey, someone left a big, huge, turd in the John. It stunk like Hell, and I wanted to flush it, but it was laying on top of a gigantic TP plug. And the other toilet had john cummings on the seat.

KAREN: Whose that?

WILLY: You know (doing a "jerk off" motion) like "dick cummings" or "peter cummings" but on the john.

KAREN: Oh.

WILLY: On the way back, I'm checking out the gas station across the street, maybe they take better care of their John Q. Public!

KAREN: I get it! You mean CUSTOMERS, right?
by Jack Bozdog June 24, 2006