• Please if U see me upset as one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say 'get over it, its only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If U say these things, U will only make me angrier and I’ll luv U less. Remember, U will nave ever kno more about fitba than me and your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce. It’d be a good idea for U to keep at least 2 six packs in teh fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please don’t make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch teh games. In return, U will be allowed to use teh TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game dat I missed during teh day.
• Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings dat requires my attendance because:
I won’t go…However, if my pals invite us to their house on a Sun to watch a game, we’ll be there in a flash.
• If U have to pass by in front of teh TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in teh beers, I don't mind, as long as U crawl along teh floor.
• During teh games I’ll be blinkered to match. U can’t expect me to listen to U, it will nave happen.
• And finally, please save yr expressions such as: 'Thank God teh fitba season’s only every 4 years'. I’m immune to these words, b’coz after this comes teh Champions League, Premier League...