A Russian teenager who is known for getting high and for his lanky but wonderful hugs. He has a bony butt according to Firecrotch but this is due to him being as tall as a mountain but as thin as the wind. Valera is keen on nicknames for his friends. i.e.: Grease. Valera has a wife, a whore and a mistress who are clearly all being cheated on , as well as cheating on him. Nevertheless he is madly in love with his Arabian wife.
"I'd love to stay and chat but i've gotta smoke a blunt with Valera"