A Turnip Farm is a large area of farm land, usually located in the Essex area of Rainham. A Turnip Farm usually uses pre-pay horses working off the oyster network although charging an extremely high rate of £17 in order to keep the so called "ruffians" from East London away from the such restricted and isolated area. The Turnip Farms are inhabitants are referred to as "Turnips", they have to ride for miles on there horses for the local shop. Turnips are usually very lonely people although on rare occasions attract (or entice) normal people on to their "home land" which they then butcher and do their customary sheep dance around the dead corpses. In a Turnip Farm, the main attraction is always the local carpenter, in which the settlement started around, spreading out from a central location, the carpenters bush, which is believe to be inhabited from post-e7 paedophiles so a law exsts that no-one must stand with-in 20feet of that bush. The average birthday present for a 'Turnip' is old, east London bicycle wheel and for Christmas it is expected to receive a lump of charcoal, the hard the better, and therefore the more loved you are. The standard diet of 'Turnips' is oak leaves and grass although they have a delicacy of BTL (Bacon, Lettuce and Cucumber). The 'Turnips' have also been known to abandon the English language and to randomly make up there own words, spelling for them words and secret code. One positive thing about 'Turnips' is that they attract very cool east Londoners who then have to teach them the way of city life, as a right of passage.
by Some Special East Londoner February 11, 2009