Contrary to Definition 44, a Soccer Mom is not a selfless, sainted holy person providing for her angelic children. She is usually white, 30-45 years of age, and is forever boring everyone around her with stories about her kids soccer skills. The cell phone, starbucks coffee and large minivan/suv are invariably part of her identity. Also she is consumerist, wasteful, oblivious to her effect on others, lives in a bland suburb and is usually a right wing Christian fanatic. Has no career aspirations. Bitch. A waste of ammunition
The brainless soccer mom drove 80 in the 30 zone while taling on her phone and driving her kids to soccer.
by Andrew5646465 October 27, 2005
White, middle-class, middle-aged female. Hair pulled through the back of the baseball cap, into a ponytail. Usually seen "driving" a very large SUV. Also seen at stop signs staring aimlessly with their mouth open waiting for an open spot in traffic. Usually doesn't find one, so they pull out in traffic hoping to make their own spot. Thus causing an accident, which is paid for by their husbands income. Seen as an active parent at school. However, they never talk to their children because they have a cell phone blocking their ear, that they constantly scream into. Participating in booster clubs, PTA, church organizations. Ironically, you can find them cursing at the cashier because he couldn't return their curtains that they bought over a year ago, but never found time in their oh-so-busy lives to put up. All of this is usually done in front of their 'christian' children, who are going to grow even more mindless than their role model of a mother. Occasionally they go in flocks to the nearest mall, and trash every department they step into, throwing shoes on the ground, leaving once-hung items lying on the floor. Sometimes you see them running for the nearest open register, and fighting with the women that casualy strolls in front of her, explaining that she was there first, and doesn't have time to waste. She has to drive her one or two children away in an SUV that comfortably seats 8, so they don't miss their sports practice, or dance recital. Inflating gas prices mean nothing to these women and their gas hungry SUVs, because they haven't paid for anything with their own money since they married the father, who gets drunk twice a day, and comes home late into the evening. Lastly, these soccer mom's only answer to "homemaker"
A soccer mom is the lady you've seen on the side of the road yelling into her cell phone, standing next to an SUV with a flat tire. Don't offer help, she'll never appreciate it.
by Chriswizzle May 24, 2006
Beasts from hell. They will try to censor anything. Responsible for Columbine and Sadamm ever being the dictator of Iraq. Drive large things known as minivans, which are usually larger than normal vans. Take their kids to soccer games and cheer them on all the time, even when their kid sucks more balls than a 3 cent chinese whore. Their minivans are sized between that of an M2A3 Bradley and M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank.
Sergeant Ha was in his M2A3 when he saw a soccer mom who was late for getting to see her kid's soccer game rushing towards his tank. He quickly fired off a missile, destroying the monstrosity and her personnel carrier. What's that? What about her family? No problems, just fire a missile or 654 at their house.
by that guy that kicks ass February 17, 2005
A woman who refuses to believe that anything that is not white christian middle-upper class is evil. Political correctness and purification of youth is the prime goal of this group. These "dress and act like we are 20 even though we all know we are double that age" sufferers are often found destroying the sacred enviornment in their oversized SUV's driving in an unsafe fashion, often times with cell phones in one hand and a Starbucks coffee in the other.
by Mike Truitt June 11, 2003
A middle-aged upper middle class woman (ussually white)and lives in the suburbs who devotes her life to her childeren. She carpools, drives them to soccer and little leauge, volenteers at their school, does snack days, and play dates. Most of them end up driving their childeren away by not letting them express their selves and immediatley putting down anything that they find important. They are usually Christian and this can be shown around their house, in most of the cases I have found the childeren end up being atheist. They drive in their mini vans and suburbans with their fancy coffee's and cell phones.
That mom that is driving like a maniac to pick up her kid from school and cart them to soccer practice is a soccer mom.
by Kaitlin August 30, 2003
A suburban stay at home cumdumpster who thinks that her opinions count for anything. Usually seen driving an overpriced SUV, talking on her cell phone, and yelling at her kids for stepping on the Macy's bags-all at the same time. Have a tendency to smugly advertise, with bumper stickers, basically everything. Are known for lobbying for tougher alcohol regulations, gun laws, and censorship. Just another good reason to make the laws about homicide more lenient.
"Holy shit! Some soccer mom in her Escalade nearly ran me off the road because she was talking on her cell phone instead of paying attention to the road.
by herrsquidward October 6, 2007
1. Soccer Mom's are the true evil of this earth.
2. They are usually overly parinod, Extreme Chirstians, 100% against all forms of free speech and hate with a furious passion the first amendment. THey have little angels which they try to control in any and all ways possible. The most their teenage childern can watch are childern shows ment for viewers three and under. They are also usually overwieght (at least in my experience)and they are also against video games, internet, and television. They will also go around forcing their beleifs on everyone they meet.
2. They are usually overly parinod, Extreme Chirstians, 100% against all forms of free speech and hate with a furious passion the first amendment. THey have little angels which they try to control in any and all ways possible. The most their teenage childern can watch are childern shows ment for viewers three and under. They are also usually overwieght (at least in my experience)and they are also against video games, internet, and television. They will also go around forcing their beleifs on everyone they meet.
1. Brother did a chalking at a festival of a preecher from Hellsing for those who know of the anime series. He did not get to finish due to a soccer mom disproving of his chalking when he had done worse at many other chalkings and everyone appercated his work. Soccer Mom is over wieght.
2. I was working at HollyWood Video soccer mom comes and returns Batman the Fox cartoon because it is too violent for her 14 year old son. Also returns Kim Possible because she does not like the girl power theme in their. She and her son are also over weight.
3. I am walking home with my two little brothers and we are all having a good time messing around, and a soccer mom takes a picture of us and claims we (me and my younger brother) were muging my littlest brother when he is there smiling and laughing with us as well. She then threatens to call the police, but does not. She is also overwieght and drives a blue mini-van.
4. LOOK ALL SOCCER MOM'S ARE PURE EVIL AND OVERLY PARINOD, THEY ARE WHAT CAUSE CHILDERN TO GO OFF THE DEEP END AND KILL THEMSELVES, EVERYONE AROUND THEM, OR THEIR CHILDERN LATRER BECOME CHILD OBDUCTORS. WITHOUT THEM THERE WOULD BE WORLD PEACE!!!!!!!!!
2. I was working at HollyWood Video soccer mom comes and returns Batman the Fox cartoon because it is too violent for her 14 year old son. Also returns Kim Possible because she does not like the girl power theme in their. She and her son are also over weight.
3. I am walking home with my two little brothers and we are all having a good time messing around, and a soccer mom takes a picture of us and claims we (me and my younger brother) were muging my littlest brother when he is there smiling and laughing with us as well. She then threatens to call the police, but does not. She is also overwieght and drives a blue mini-van.
4. LOOK ALL SOCCER MOM'S ARE PURE EVIL AND OVERLY PARINOD, THEY ARE WHAT CAUSE CHILDERN TO GO OFF THE DEEP END AND KILL THEMSELVES, EVERYONE AROUND THEM, OR THEIR CHILDERN LATRER BECOME CHILD OBDUCTORS. WITHOUT THEM THERE WOULD BE WORLD PEACE!!!!!!!!!
by Myname243 October 13, 2005