The most boring place in the world for the young, fabulous, and broke. For anyone who doesn't live here, I'm sure that Sarasota seems like a beautiful and wonderful place to vacation. But living here sucks. Basically, this is where rich, snotty old farts come to die. And irritate the hell out of the locals.
On any given day, you can see the blond, rich, family of four that just moved here from Michigan, ruining the sunset on Siesta Key, to take a family portrait in their "Floridian" white shirts and khaki pants. Shopping is a hobby, because there is nothing else to do. And, the shopping malls, now owned by the Texas-based Westfield, are now overrun by bored-out-of-their-minds preteens with Daddy's credit cards in their hot little hands. Buisnesses that have thrived here for 30-plus years are being driven out by greedy speculators. Every other home is for sale, with no one buying them, because the real estate bubble burst. I guess millionares don't feel like purchasing a home on Siesta Key, where driving one block on Memorial Day weekend takes four hours, and you are more likely to have your homeowners insurance taken away than a dog getting fleas. Then, once you're done playing the "hunker-down" drinking game during the latest hurricane, you can go to Walmart for the sixth time this week. The best thing about Sarasota is that is easy to spot tourists. Tourists, if you're at the beach, are the ones who bring two giant coolers, a giant bag of sandcastle building tools, a huge umbrella or tent, and about ten bottles of suntan lotion. And they do this to be at the beach for an hour. Outside of Siesta, they're the ones yelling at waitresses, cashiers, and just about everyone else in the service industry. Then they drive 30 miles an hour on US-41, and call it Tamiami Trail, to go for ice cream on St. Armands circle. They take pictures of the "art" that blocks the view of Marina Jack, without realising that the boats anchored in the bay are inhabited by people whom are considered homeless. Sarasota is the most segregated county in all of Florida, and the city planners are trying desperately to push out anyone who doesn't make at least 100K a year. But then again, they are too busy designing parking lots that are only easily navigated by the secret service.
by Knitakitty June 15, 2007
Hell’s waiting room. Voted best place to die, 2018. Voted Best place to retire during a global Pandemic, 2020 & 2021, consecutively. Upscale coastal South Florida Gulf resort town tethered to its past glory as the home of the freak Ringling Brothers Circus. Populated by wealthy retirees, snowbirds, and witness protection clients. Visitors notoriously have no access to the internet. They must rely on interrupting local residents as if they were staff in an all-inclusive resort.
Zero local economy or unique character outside of Siesta Key Beach. Substandard medical infrastructure. Beach is frequently named America’s top destination within a 3 year time period. Parking is impossible when the heat index is below 110°F.
Shopping is the main activity aside from the beach. Retail consists of the usual national chains, big malls, Tommy Bahamaesque haberdasheries, and Chinese-imported seashell-laden tchotchke shops. Approximately four restaurants have kitchens that are open past 9pm.
Once known for an inexplicably giant statue of a sailor kissing a nurse on VJ Day, the piece was relocated to make way for a trendy 19-way roundabout at the city’s waterfront.
The city’s future looks bright though, as two hotels have been approved for construction on Siesta Key. This has inflamed the relationship between Island residents and the city though, because improving the single tourist attraction for the entire county seems anathema to those who reside near said beach.
Zero local economy or unique character outside of Siesta Key Beach. Substandard medical infrastructure. Beach is frequently named America’s top destination within a 3 year time period. Parking is impossible when the heat index is below 110°F.
Shopping is the main activity aside from the beach. Retail consists of the usual national chains, big malls, Tommy Bahamaesque haberdasheries, and Chinese-imported seashell-laden tchotchke shops. Approximately four restaurants have kitchens that are open past 9pm.
Once known for an inexplicably giant statue of a sailor kissing a nurse on VJ Day, the piece was relocated to make way for a trendy 19-way roundabout at the city’s waterfront.
The city’s future looks bright though, as two hotels have been approved for construction on Siesta Key. This has inflamed the relationship between Island residents and the city though, because improving the single tourist attraction for the entire county seems anathema to those who reside near said beach.
After his divorce, we never heard from him again. He was last seen in Sarasota working one of those metal-detector things on #siestakeybeach trying to make rent money.
by Imoknu January 13, 2022
by Madlinx May 30, 2005
A coastal town in Florida. Lots of Rich and/or old people live there. Home of the Carlie Brucia kidnapping. Also home of the Ringling's home, Ringling art museum, Booker Elementary (The school where George W. Bush was at during 9/11),Cincinatti Reds spring training, and the former home of the ringling circus. Sarasota also has an international airport, and a pretty low crime rate. Overall a pretty nice place to live.
by rapsux February 27, 2005
Lifeless, overpriced beach town on the west Florida coast. Not very friendly, bad traffic, not much to do, terrible job market. Lots and lots and lots of old people. A dead-end feeling where the sense of futility and a vague depression are enhanced by constant sunshine and high humidity. Very nice beaches, though. A good place to relax for a few days if you like roasting in the sun. Don't move here.
by AddiesDad March 1, 2013
by call me jubs January 13, 2008
"In the Sarasota area, you can enjoy the breathtaking sunsets, educational museums, operas, ballets, plays, golf tournaments, and boat races. " States Sarasota.com.
Hahahahahahahahaaha.
Sarasota: noun
hell,shithole,nothing of perticular interest, mid-western city located in Florida.
I suppose that your opinion of this "wonderous city" mostly depends on your age.
If you are in your mid-fiftys, and have well over a hundred grand in your account, you will do fine.You'll probably enjoy your stay, conversate with the tourists, and laugh behind their backs when they go back to their cottages buried in snow.
I'm personally not too fond of it. I enjoy an occasional seasonal change, and the sun DOES get old. Who ever said it has some of the most beautiful women was mostlikely making crystal meth in their laundry room. The attractions are not that great, or even much to look at. "Saint Armands Circle" is completely full of shit. The "unique" shops aren't anything you have haven't seen before, and it is much too time consuming to even bother going.
"Tommy Bahahma" is all you'll find.
God I love Sarasota.
Hahahahahahahahaaha.
Sarasota: noun
hell,shithole,nothing of perticular interest, mid-western city located in Florida.
I suppose that your opinion of this "wonderous city" mostly depends on your age.
If you are in your mid-fiftys, and have well over a hundred grand in your account, you will do fine.You'll probably enjoy your stay, conversate with the tourists, and laugh behind their backs when they go back to their cottages buried in snow.
I'm personally not too fond of it. I enjoy an occasional seasonal change, and the sun DOES get old. Who ever said it has some of the most beautiful women was mostlikely making crystal meth in their laundry room. The attractions are not that great, or even much to look at. "Saint Armands Circle" is completely full of shit. The "unique" shops aren't anything you have haven't seen before, and it is much too time consuming to even bother going.
"Tommy Bahahma" is all you'll find.
God I love Sarasota.
person #1:"Mike and myself went to Sarasota over spring break."
person #2:"Excuse me while I go hang myself."
person #2:"Excuse me while I go hang myself."
by bad_actors__ March 31, 2006