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1.
Reading the newspaper is the act of jacking off, beating the meat, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, buffing the banana, wanking off, pocket pool, pleasure yourself, or just plain old masturbation.
Caitlyn: I don't read the newspaper not three, not four, but fifty-six times daily!

Taylor: Ohh girl, I got choo and I love using anime as an aid to reading the newspaper!

Monica: My mom reads the newspaper, every morning before breakfast..
by t0uchmiib0dy July 10, 2008
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