He will pelvically thrust ANYTHING he sees (chairs, walls, water coolers, pies, etc).
The longer it has been since he got laid, the more frantic and aggressive the thrusting gets.
It's been 7 & 1/2 months since he visited the brothel.
Simon: "Oooh you sexy, naughty cooler, sooo wet"
(thrust thrust thrust)
Simon: "OOOoohhh" (grunt grunt grunt)
Evan: he so Pyman.