A huge set of keys that make someone that is truly as important as a little fat security guard look as important as they actually are. Never seen without the holder wearing some Pork Scotch Shades and a gay Dickurity Guard uniform.
Flonkule: Hi Dad, I see the Scotcher is here.
Dad: Yeah I saw him earlier witha set of Pork Scotch Keys. They make him look so important.
A huge bunch of keys carried by little fat security guards because it makes them feel important. The only keys actually used are the ones to his house, his mum's house and his silly white van. The 58 others are ones he's found.
Look at that guy's keyring! He must own lots of houses and cars.
Wrong! What we have here is a cretinous security guard. They're only Pork Scotch Keys. He found most of them. Hasn't a bloody clue what they're for.
What a nobhead.