Typically occurs after consuming mass quantities of adult beverages. The syndrome is further enhanced when crushed Adderall or cocaine is snorted through the nasal cavity prior, during, or after exorbitant binge drinking. It is noted that PAAM is not actually a “hangover,” but in fact, hangovers induce PAAM, which is directly related to aforementioned excessive alcohol and drug abuse.
Symptoms: confusion, forgetfulness, stupidity, hysteria, and self-deprecation. There is no definitive cure for PAAM (as it effects all debaucherous, lecherous individuals, such as yourself, differently); however, the following items have been known to aid in recovery: sleep, Mexican food, ejaculation (any and all forms necessary), and of course, more cocaine and/or alcohol.
The syndrome was first discovered, classified, and studied at the University of Mississippi. Clinical trials were performed circa 2001 through 2007. Non-clinical trials continue in perpetuity in major metropolitan areas including but not limited to Dallas, Houston, Memphis, Nashville, Atlanta, and all SEC college campuses. It has been reported that said trials exist outside of the SEC, but no one really gives a shit. Hotty Toddy!
I would study right now, but I have to continue drinking to get rid of this god aweful PAAM.
Dad: Stop drinking so much. You're giving yourself brain damage.
Son: Sorry, Pop, I am suffering from PAAM.