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- Use to be a soccer super star in Ontario, Canada
- Resides in Nunavut with his pet polar bear and stays in his homely igloo
- Unfortunately his soccer career ended with a horrible snow shoeing accident and he lost his scholarship
- He now makes art from discarded seal livers and polar bear eye lids, his exhibition is in the Territorial Art Gallery located in Yellowknife
- His name is now used in insults to athletes who have failed at life
- oh my god you're such a Kalem Hammermueller
- Kalem Hammermueller has no future
by gremlinshavesharpteeth October 20, 2009
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