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1.
Masturbating.

When a squirrel eats a nut, it sounds similar to the noises of one beating off. Hense, feeding the squirrel.
Hank: "Where's Tom at? He was supposed to be here an hour ago."
Greg: "He called me and said he was gonna be late. He got caught up feeding the squirrel."
Hank: "That motherfucker needs to get laid"
by SMac89 December 20, 2010