Girlfriend: *starts crying uncontrollably* it.. it was that fiend. Dr. Bear called me into his office and examined me. He said he could tell I had an STD just by the look of my eyebrows. He didn't use any lube!
Boyfriend: My god, I'm so glad you came out in one piece, that bastard is going to get his ass kicked one day!
Girlfriend: *still crying, but hugs boyfriend*
Boyfriend: *hugs back*
...5 minutes of mutual sobbing...
Boyfriend: Oh, by the way, DID you have an STD?
Girlfriend: NO! *crys even more*