A set of guidelines that applies to those who which to be found within the
Goldilocks Zone of Acceptable Asshold'em.
1. Consider whether or not your assholish response is inflicted on someone that deserves it.
2. Treat customer service people well, but not TOO well.
3. Do not be an
asshole to your significant other.
4. Be clear to people that you are to spend a prolonged amount of
time with that you are an
asshole.
5. If around men, pretend that your
asshole comment is just a joke. If around women, reserve all assholish behaviors to an absent mutual acquaintance.
6. When applying an assholish generalization of a specific group (see rule #5 for an example), be sure to create plausible deniability by saying “not all” followed by the targets of ridicule.
7. Select certain opinions of your opponent as amusing, but not worthy of an actual response.
8. Be interchangeably and inconsistently nice to people you are often an
asshole too.
9.
Don’t be an
asshole to someone you see as beneath you in the social hierarchy, such as the homeless, children or developmentally challenged.
10. Do not be afraid to break rules #1-9 every now and again.
"It's great to be an
asshole, but you don’t want to be a total
asshole. There's a balance that must be struck. Assholes who are total assholes suffer too much backlash for their nature and are generally considered insufferable by all. Thus, you must learn to follow proper
asshole decorum and fall under the
Goldilocks Zone of Acceptable Asshold'em. You have accomplished this when people say things about you like 'he's funny, but he's an
asshole', or 'I like Dave, but he's kind of an asshole.' That's the Goldilocks zone. You want people to compliment you, or express fondness for you, but then immediately feel the need to point out that you’
re an asshole. So here are 10 rules to be a proper asshole with impeccable asshole decorum."
-- TJ "The Amazing Atheist" Kirk, "10 Rules Of Asshole Decorum"
