"Crossfit Strong" is very much like being "Weightwatchers Thin", i.e. you might think you're hot shit, but out in the real world, you're 2 milkshakes away from greenpeace pushing you back into the ocean like the overbloated land cetacean that you have become.
With their total lack of linear or otherwise strength progression programming, and instead random, jerking, as-fast-as-fucking-possible and fuck the form, exercise, your average crossfitter will build the kind of strength that would impress a whole playground full of 8 year olds. Until the 10 year olds turned up and out-lifted them (whilst using vastly superior form).
You might think half-squatting a PVC pipe 30 times is impressive, if you're surrounded by similar white, middle class, cult-buddies. You'll probably harp on with some old bullshit about "functional strength", as if there is a way of being strong that is somehow useless. You might even be arrogant enough to equate throwing barbells around, without any form of programming, to a lifetime of hard graft and labour, and claim you have a similar base of strength. Let me tell you, Cultfitters. Any farmer aged 8 and up will outlift your skinny, DYEL, wet bag, rotator cuff worrying, carb depleted bullshit.
With their total lack of linear or otherwise strength progression programming, and instead random, jerking, as-fast-as-fucking-possible and fuck the form, exercise, your average crossfitter will build the kind of strength that would impress a whole playground full of 8 year olds. Until the 10 year olds turned up and out-lifted them (whilst using vastly superior form).
You might think half-squatting a PVC pipe 30 times is impressive, if you're surrounded by similar white, middle class, cult-buddies. You'll probably harp on with some old bullshit about "functional strength", as if there is a way of being strong that is somehow useless. You might even be arrogant enough to equate throwing barbells around, without any form of programming, to a lifetime of hard graft and labour, and claim you have a similar base of strength. Let me tell you, Cultfitters. Any farmer aged 8 and up will outlift your skinny, DYEL, wet bag, rotator cuff worrying, carb depleted bullshit.
Weightlifter: 'Dude, why are you throwing your legs around while you do a pullup? You realise that doesn't actually work the muscles you're trying to target any better right? And in fact may increase the stress on your shoulder joints, right?'
Crossfitter: 'But I'm Crossfit Strong! Plus... I can't really do a strict form pull up'.
Weightlifter: 'Well you could work on that, become stronger until you can do a whole bunch?'
Crossfitter: 'No! That's ok, I just like to turn up and do a random bunch of exercises without any thought to what my goals or objectives are, you know, apart from doing it all FASTER!'.
Weightlifter: 'Ok. The adult weights are over in the corner if you'd like to join me, I'll be deadlifting with PROPER FORM and NOT FOR TIME 3x what you lift, in the corner. Come join me when your rotator cuffs are healed'.
Crossfitter: 'INSERT CROSSFIT HQ MANTRA
Crossfitter: 'But I'm Crossfit Strong! Plus... I can't really do a strict form pull up'.
Weightlifter: 'Well you could work on that, become stronger until you can do a whole bunch?'
Crossfitter: 'No! That's ok, I just like to turn up and do a random bunch of exercises without any thought to what my goals or objectives are, you know, apart from doing it all FASTER!'.
Weightlifter: 'Ok. The adult weights are over in the corner if you'd like to join me, I'll be deadlifting with PROPER FORM and NOT FOR TIME 3x what you lift, in the corner. Come join me when your rotator cuffs are healed'.
Crossfitter: 'INSERT CROSSFIT HQ MANTRA
by DoYouEvenLiftXfitters January 17, 2014
by CisJg April 2, 2022
Someone who partakes in the sport of Crossfit and all they do is go on and on about it to everyone else as if nothing else in life matters
Alan “oh I wish I could lift this box up without it hurting my back”
Caroline “well if you did Crossfit you wouldn’t have a sore back”
Alan “omg you are such a Crossfit wank”
Caroline “well if you did Crossfit you wouldn’t have a sore back”
Alan “omg you are such a Crossfit wank”
by Fflech July 3, 2018
A fucking nonce that wears nothing but CrossFit clothing, they also insist on doing lots of high fives and loud whoops when they have lifted piss poor weights. CrossFit slags are incapable of completing a full rep and can often be seen dropping light weights as their feeble bodies cannot take the strain. If you go to the gym and see a cunt he will likely be conducting a CrossFit routine.
Hey....I so dog tits Toby doing CrossFit in the gym, his body was gopping. To be honest he looked like a dropped yogurt, what a CrossFit cunt.
by Ginger Barbarian. August 17, 2019
Jane is getting a divorce because she is having a CrossFit baby with John. I guess she thought having sex was part of the WOD.
by Nofoxgiven February 27, 2018
lesbians who attend CrossFit gymnasiums, participate in the CrossFit fitness regimen, and/or compete in CrossFit competitions.
by noumismata January 13, 2017
Fake plates. They are way too ambiguous. You could load up the bar and have it look like 300kg when in fact it’s only 80kg.
by shakalakablacka November 30, 2017