Top Definition
A Christian college in Grand Rapids, Michigan U.S.A. Known for its Jesus freaks, hot snobby bitches, and shitty investments. Has a 99% acceptance rate because they don't hesitate to financially rape someones' pockets for $35K a year. Doesn't have any real sports. 100% dry campus. If you fuck someone in the dorms, they will kick you out. About 90% of the student body is composed of social retards who go there because they grew up in sheltered, Jesus loving, god fearing communities and are attempting to add four more years to avoiding the real world. Most students graduate in over four years due to the schools' curriculum of required theology and other bullshit classes that real schools don't teach. The student body is about as ethnically diverse as Toronto, Ontario (roughly 70% white, 30% asian, and about six blacks). The asians generally stay with one another and avoid white people like they're going to put them in concentration camps. Most of the guys are skinny dickless choches. The very small number of athletically toned guys have no problem tearing through the poon like it's spring break. The girls are stuck up twats who use their religion as an excuse as to why they claim to be virgins. Every girl there will put-out for a guy if his family is rich. Everyone there will piss themselves at the notion of atheists and other non-christian people. Best way to get someone to jerk off in front of you is to start talking about Jesus.
Normal college student: "So what did you do this weekend?"
Calvin college student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"
Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."
Calvin college student: "You're going to hell."

Random Christian: "Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?"
Calvin student: unzips pants

"I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm about to stick my dick in a light socket."

"My type of guy is one whose parents left him a six-figure trust fund."
by commandercrook October 17, 2013
3 more definitions
a smallish college in Grand Rapids Michigan. Where some crazy drunk ass hot girls go. They say they are christians but really they are pretty freaky. Everyone there is dutch and very tall. Everyone gets married by the time they graduate and they all have snobby kids that will some day go to Calvin college.
Calvin College is a crazy christian school
by kinfee August 24, 2010
A small private college in GR michigan. Its one of those "christian" colleges but whatever, those motherfuckers know how to party and dammmnnnn those girls can drink. You have to be careful though cause when you sleep with those girls cause most of them are going to college to get their MRS. degree. But calvin is famous for hott girls, so if you aren't pretty don't fucking bother to apply.The guys there, mostly pot heads. They don't give a fuck about anything because most of them are just going to inherit their families money.
Paula is going to Calvin college to drink for a year, get married then drop out.
by kinfee kimperver November 23, 2010
A tiny, ass college in michigan. not a single drop of beer or drugs on campus. 99% dutch. they are tall blonde snobby bastards. although it gets alot of snow here, so good for snowboarding and skiing.
pretty much nothing happens here except maybe calvin vs. hope basketball game. also it has the highest acceptance rate of 98%. also all the christian school kids across america come here. and few messed up kids who didn't get in anywhere else. also its like 35k a year, so if your not one of the following don't even bother.

Don't know john calvin or J.C (The J.C)
Guy 1:hey i got into calvin College
Guy 2: whoaa man your screwed, im going to UVA, cuz im rich And smart
Guy 1: stop saying bad words like "screw" that is un christian like.
Guy 2: i don't give a damn, anyways have fun dancin with J.C
by OmAR16456532 January 23, 2009

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