A drunkeness test that can be used on men, which is much cheaper than a breathaliser. All you need to do to judge how much he's had to drink is to get a girl with large boobs to ask him a question and then see how long it takes him to look up at her face and answer.
1 second is normal
2 seconds is about 3 pints
3 or more is hammered
"Dude, you look a bit drunk, I think I'd better drive."
"Nah, don't be stufid, I'm prefectly okydoke to, um, drive."
"No way man I'd better use the breastaliser on you. Michelle, get your ass over here!"