Battle-Jesus 

Battle-Jesus is the modernized savior from old. This version of Jesus tots a handgun, and tots an Uzi. Instead of the peaceful all-loving savior we are used to knowing, Battle-Jesus faces you with fire and brimestone. Destroying the sinners, and cleansing the world of all evil. This meaning that only hippies will be left, because they just sit around and smoke dope, and love the trees. And the bible aint saying nothin bout tree-sex.

Though, there have been, of course, varied versions of Battle-Jesus made throughout the course of history. Most notabley, a GI Joe Jesus figure.

Battle-Jesus!
Battle-Jesus is here.
Battle-Jesus!
Sinners cower in fear.
Battle-Jesus!
Armageddon on your Doorstep.
Battle-Jesus!
Death 'til only hippies are left.
Battle-Jesus!

Battle-Jesus by Battle-Jesus February 3, 2007

Space Battle of Jerusalem

(n.)A war taking place approximately 14 light years above what we now know as Jerusalem. The war is as gruesome as it is distant as it is in space.
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(v.) The act of punching a rabbi in the nose.

“Hey you hear about that Space Battle of Jerusalem?”
“Oy vey, that meshuggener didn’t know what hit ‘em.”

Space Battle of Jerusalem by TheSmudge January 14, 2018