A Jehovah's Stiffness is a completely unwanted erection that appears at the worst of all times and once it appears, it absolutely refuses to go away for a VERY long time.
In reference to a Jehovah's Witness
In reference to a Jehovah's Witness
For example getting a Jehovah's Stiffness on the bus or train just before your stop and you have to stand up and walk away but you know you can't is really annoying
by Stu Marble November 21, 2007
The Jehovah's Witness could not respond to any of my questions unless it was covered in his telemarketer's manual "Reasoning from the Scriptures".
by TheOmicron January 11, 2010
A derogatory nickname for a Jehovah's Witness, refering to the apparent witless, clueless and lamebrain beliefs (as percieved by normal persons) of the church dogma and its members.
Do you Jehovah's Witlesses always dress like dorks or are these just your Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes?
by GBofWI March 17, 2007
Jehovah's Witnesses? Yes, that is the way they refer to themselves. It is a descriptive name, indicating that they bear witness concerning Jehovah, his God ship, and his purposes. "God," "Lord," and "Creator"—like "President," "King," and "General"—are titles and may be applied to several different personages. But "Jehovah" is a personal name and refers to the almighty God and Creator of the universe. This is shown at Psalm 83:18, according to the King James version of the Bible: "That men may know that thou, whose name alone is JEHOVAH, art the most high over all the earth."
God's personal name in ancient Hebrew
.
The name Jehovah (or Yahweh, as the Roman Catholic Jerusalem Bible and some scholars prefer) appears almost 7,000 times in the original Hebrew Scriptures. Most Bibles do not show it as such but substitute "God" or "Lord" for it. However, even in these Bibles, a person can usually tell where the original Hebrew text uses Jehovah because in those places the substituted words are written in large and small capitals, thus: GOD, LORD. Several modern translations do use either the name Jehovah or the name Yahweh. Hence, the New World Translation reads at Isaiah 42:8, "I am Jehovah. That is my name."
The name as related to
a courtroom drama
9,000,000 Jehovah's Witnesses Worldwide
God's personal name in ancient Hebrew
.
The name Jehovah (or Yahweh, as the Roman Catholic Jerusalem Bible and some scholars prefer) appears almost 7,000 times in the original Hebrew Scriptures. Most Bibles do not show it as such but substitute "God" or "Lord" for it. However, even in these Bibles, a person can usually tell where the original Hebrew text uses Jehovah because in those places the substituted words are written in large and small capitals, thus: GOD, LORD. Several modern translations do use either the name Jehovah or the name Yahweh. Hence, the New World Translation reads at Isaiah 42:8, "I am Jehovah. That is my name."
The name as related to
a courtroom drama
9,000,000 Jehovah's Witnesses Worldwide
by fffffffffaaefajff June 22, 2010
"Who are those modestly dressed, heavily medicated sad chicks littering in our laundry room?" "Oh, those are some Jehovah's Witnesses."
by holdmedownonthepantysty August 26, 2013
A group of annoying assholes that travel in pairs to try to spread the 'word of god' to their unsuspecting victims. Hard to get rid of.
Go away, you Jehovah's Witnesses!
by A Transsexual Woman March 31, 2008
Jehovah's Witnesses are a strict form of Christianity, almost so strict that, like Mormonism, many people do not consider them Christians. They believe:
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
Jehovah's Witness, on the whole, are good people, and often misjudged. They were well known in WW2 for rescuing many Jews from Concentration Camps, and being one of the few groups who initially took a stand against Hitler.
by JZ June 16, 2004