The phenomena that is Chuck Norris and facts proving he is one bad motha... SHUT YO MOUTH.
I'm just talkin 'bout Chuck....
These facts are popularly known in the realm of cool people.
I'm serious. Look it up in Wikipedia.
That is all, says Chuck.
I'm just talkin 'bout Chuck....
These facts are popularly known in the realm of cool people.
I'm serious. Look it up in Wikipedia.
That is all, says Chuck.
Chuck Norris Facts:
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China’s over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Chuck Norris’s kindergarten class.
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wipes his rear with chain mail and sandpaper.
Chuck Norris? sperm is so badrear, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization “Kick Drugs Out of America”. If the organization’s name were “Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America”, there wouldn’t be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography
Chuck Norris CAN in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your dang eyes off.
The word ‘Kill’ was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were ‘Die’, ‘Beer’, and ‘What’.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris doesn’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China’s over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Chuck Norris’s kindergarten class.
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wipes his rear with chain mail and sandpaper.
Chuck Norris? sperm is so badrear, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization “Kick Drugs Out of America”. If the organization’s name were “Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America”, there wouldn’t be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography
Chuck Norris CAN in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Unless you’re Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your dang eyes off.
The word ‘Kill’ was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were ‘Die’, ‘Beer’, and ‘What’.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris doesn’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
by Anisettekiss November 16, 2006
Examples of Chuck Norris Jokes:
Chuck Norris fought Mr. T, Rambo, Tupac, Bruce Lee, and the pink and yellow Power Rangers and lost, then vowed never to return to the nursing home on Halloween again.
Chuck Norris once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.
Chuck Norris almost turned down the offer to make a cameo in the movie "Dodgeball" on the grounds that he doesn't like to dodge balls—he prefers to have them resting on his chin.
When Chuck Norris completes a push-up, he does not actually move all the way down, it's the Earth moving up and punching him in the face.
Chuck Norris has been confused with Santa Clause, because whenever he enters a little boy's room he leaves with an empty sack.
Chuck Norris' penis is so small that when he has an orgasm the sperm are released in a single file line.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. During his stay he was arrested while attempting to have sexual intercourse with an island.
Chuck Norris beats off to "Pretty in Pink" three times a day with a wax figure of Andrew McCarthy lodged in his ass.
Chuck Norris was fired and arrested from his job at a Dallas Texas school after a video showed him smelling the football players’ jock straps. He was taken into custody oddly enough by a real Texas Ranger named Walker
Chuck Norris fought Mr. T, Rambo, Tupac, Bruce Lee, and the pink and yellow Power Rangers and lost, then vowed never to return to the nursing home on Halloween again.
Chuck Norris once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.
Chuck Norris almost turned down the offer to make a cameo in the movie "Dodgeball" on the grounds that he doesn't like to dodge balls—he prefers to have them resting on his chin.
When Chuck Norris completes a push-up, he does not actually move all the way down, it's the Earth moving up and punching him in the face.
Chuck Norris has been confused with Santa Clause, because whenever he enters a little boy's room he leaves with an empty sack.
Chuck Norris' penis is so small that when he has an orgasm the sperm are released in a single file line.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. During his stay he was arrested while attempting to have sexual intercourse with an island.
Chuck Norris beats off to "Pretty in Pink" three times a day with a wax figure of Andrew McCarthy lodged in his ass.
Chuck Norris was fired and arrested from his job at a Dallas Texas school after a video showed him smelling the football players’ jock straps. He was taken into custody oddly enough by a real Texas Ranger named Walker
by Alabama Atheist February 18, 2011
Chuck Norris has never seen a punch coming. He has only seen men adjust their shoulder slightly before he roundhouse kicks them in their face.
Surprising Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, only slaughters.
Chuck Norris choose the last pope
Sharks don't bite people when Chuck Norris goes for a swim.
A Bear can smell a drop of blood 2 miles away. Chuck Norris can smell fear 5.
Norris made history in 1997 when he was the first Westerner in the documented history of Tae Kwon Do to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master. In 2017 he will make history again when kicks everybodys ass... AT THE SAME TIME.
Chuck Norris doesn't carry atm cards, he only goes to registers and says CREDIT.
When Chuck Norris was born he gave the doctor a smack on the ass. The doctor still cry's till this day.
When Chuck Norris was a child he never asked WHY?
Chuck Norris didn't live through the cold war. He only put on and extra leather vest.
Chuck Norris is the only person that sees Shaq as a cute puppy.
Surprising Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, only slaughters.
Chuck Norris choose the last pope
Sharks don't bite people when Chuck Norris goes for a swim.
A Bear can smell a drop of blood 2 miles away. Chuck Norris can smell fear 5.
Norris made history in 1997 when he was the first Westerner in the documented history of Tae Kwon Do to be given the rank of 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master. In 2017 he will make history again when kicks everybodys ass... AT THE SAME TIME.
Chuck Norris doesn't carry atm cards, he only goes to registers and says CREDIT.
When Chuck Norris was born he gave the doctor a smack on the ass. The doctor still cry's till this day.
When Chuck Norris was a child he never asked WHY?
Chuck Norris didn't live through the cold war. He only put on and extra leather vest.
Chuck Norris is the only person that sees Shaq as a cute puppy.
by C-los777 September 27, 2007
by Jordan G., Joseph N. August 18, 2007
Chuck Norris is cooooooooooooooly cooooooooool!
If you fed Chuck Norris 1Kg of organic matter he'd shit out enough fossil fuel to power the sun for the rest of time!
by Muhammed Legend September 22, 2007
A sexual position in which a guy fucks a girl so hard in the ass it she throws up as if she had gotten a roundhouse kick to the stomach, then proceeds to eat it.
by Ferretier November 2, 2008
Herb: According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can actually kick you YESTERDAY.
Samuel: Chuck Norris can speak Braille
Julie: OK group, stop Chuck Norris-ing, we need to get back to work on our project.
Samuel: Chuck Norris can speak Braille
Julie: OK group, stop Chuck Norris-ing, we need to get back to work on our project.
by The Herb and Company April 20, 2006