lifeguard 

A real lifeguard works at the beach and keeps people safe from the ocean, not to be confused with a pool lifeguard who sits around and does nothing all summer. Best, and easiest job on the planet. However, there is alot of downtime flooded by hours upon hours of boredom, silence, and isolation. Making $10000 in a summer isn't too shabby when all you do is chase after the most beautiful women in the world, aquire great communication skills, interacting with the public while keeping them safe..and oh ya the best part, rescuing people in huge surf and being a hero. Nothing feels better than someone thanking you for saving their life. We deal with huge waves, broken necks and bones, we are all in great shape, we pull your fat tourist asses out of the water, and change people's lives by saving them. The coolest people you'll ever meet is are ocean lifeguards. They put their lives at risk, to save yours.

Did you hear about the guy at wedge that died?

Did you hear about the ballsy lifeguard that went out to rescue that guy?

It was 25ft.. holy shit that lifeguard is insane!

lifeguard by anbol October 20, 2010

Lifeguard 

The sexual act of the man having an orgasm on the woman's nose and then spreading it around, like a lifeguard would wear sunscreen.

"I totally pulled the Lifeguard on this chick last night."

Lifeguard by E.A.W.D.mike February 7, 2009

lifeguard 

When you cum onto a girls nose, and only her nose

Kevin: I totally gave a chick a lifeguard last night, it got clogged in her nose

Max: Nice

lifeguard by Pooch-a April 3, 2009

Angry Lifeguard 

The act of getting fellatio in a pool, and after reaching climax drowning your girlfriend. You then call for the lifeguard to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation, and eventually, she will cough up the ejaculate into the lifeguard's mouth. He will then be pretty angry.

Jim: Yo dude! You see that lifeguard puking up semen!

Sean: Yeah man, he must have gotten the old angry lifeguard.

Angry Lifeguard by theallknowingnostradamus March 14, 2011

lifeguard 

This profession is commonly misconstrued to be related to a worthwhile human existence, one consisting of preventing harm and saving the lives of our fellow human beings. This idea is entirely wrong. The lifeguard can be found sitting, sleeping, laying down, or staring randomly at any pool in the country. Upon close study of this creature, it becomes obvious that while the lifeguard is "scanning" the pool he is actually looking for any sign of a 1000 mile meteor, fireball, thunder, horseman, alien, black hole, and pretty much any sign indicating the end of the world. This can be due to the extreme suicidal nature of every lifeguard. In conclusion, all lifeguards would like everyone to know that anyone entering the pool is subject to immediate hatred and a plethora of death wishes/curses by the lifeguard. Lifeguard Doctrine: person other than lifeguard + pool = suicide

Patron entering pool area: "How are you?"
Lifeguard: "Great, yourself?"
translation- "Great, but do you happen to have a knife, rope, or cyanide pill on you?"
Patron: "fine, just fine"

lifeguard by sh bloc October 2, 2007

lifeguard 

Person at a party designated to remain sober and handle any activities the extreme state of intoxication of the other party guests render them unable to perform. Activities such as working the TV and/or DVD player, ordering drunk food, collecting car keys, cleaning up food/discarded clothing/spilled beer/vomit, preventing (or breaking up) fights, and talking to the police/security/neighbors .

A person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.

A secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. Thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question "What the fuck did I do last night?"

Nick: "Who's lifeguard tonight?"
Jay: "Greg's got it"

Nick: "I'm jonzing for some fuckin' wings"
Jay: "dude, get the lifeguard to order some"

Nick: "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Lifeguard: "You tried to jump off the fucking balcony 'cause you thought you could fly"

lifeguard by DamienKain April 8, 2008

lifeguard 

the waste of life who sits in a stand for 8 hrs a day. sometimes with no break. bitching about how the job is so hard when no one ever comes swimming there and all the life guard does is eat and burn things and talk shit on other people over the walkeeeeee talkeeeeeee

treasure lake life guards are lazy and I am one of them.

lifeguard by Anonymous March 25, 2003