asshole asymptote 

The mathematical function that describes how you can’t really get all of the shit off your asshole by wiping. It is asymptotic and tends towards 0 as a function of number of wipes, but never quite gets there.

With a bidet, it’s actually possible to clean your asshole completely. Wiping just follows the asshole asymptote.

asshole asymptote by weyus November 9, 2022

Asymptote 

An asymptote is a person who you get closer and closer to you but never touches you.

Derived from the term in analytic geometry.

Roo Roo came over last night and had her in the bed for ages and got absolutely nothing. She's such an asymptote.

Asymptote by Pigballs January 23, 2016

asymptote 

A mathematical term. It describes a line or equation of a line that would approach a certain point never go all the way. Taught to algebra or pre-calc students.

It can also be a term that describes a person who wishes to be in a relationship with another person, gets close to that person as time goes on but never actually ask her/him out for some reason
Usually they quit after the person gets into a relationship but in some cases they extend to infinity
can become stalkers
in some cases the other person realize their affection, which is their goal, and result in happy ending

example: y=1/x

Person A: Al is always hanging out with Christina these days
Person B: yeah Al is definitely into her
Person A: Did he tell her yet?
Person B: no he is too shy
Person A: man that is tough. how long is he going to keep this up?
-ten years later at Allison's wedding
Person A: how's Al doing these days
Person B: pretty good. look he's best man
Person A: wow he is one tough asymptote

asymptote by hobos_on_trains April 3, 2010

asymptomatic asymptote 

Refers to being in quarantine or self-isolation for an indefinite period of time, and the resulting paranoia and pessimism. Similar to a "Debbie Downer", "Negative Nancy", etc.

Person one: "Is this gonna be forever?"
Person two: "Oh, hush. Quit being such an asymptomatic asymptote."

asymptomatic asymptote by qfwfqsnmcvr May 12, 2020

asymptope 

A prostitute with dwarf-like stature.

That asymptope gave me head standing up!

asymptope by Hu Dun Poo April 24, 2011

Asymptotism 

The philosophy asymptotism is the belief that nothing ever happens or ever will happen. Everyone around you always tells you something huge is going to happen, but nothing ever truly happens.

Different from nihilism which is the belief that nothing matters, asymptotism describes the world as a place of inflated expression. Events which are exclaimed groundbreaking or world-threatening are always made but do not represent reality and often carry heavy assumptions which twist the truth in order to gain attention.

Asymptotism acknowledges that while significant events may occur around you, the vast majority don’t involve or affect you and therefore you shouldn’t worry about them. Asymptotism leads to a way of life that allows you to live calm and unstressed because you know nothing happens or ever will happen.

I saw on the news that the world is about to end, but asymptotism taught me nothing ever happen so I just went back to living my life.

Asymptotism by T0ney8 May 30, 2024

bad asymptote 

said when one wants to:
1. keep it PG AND
2. say bad ass(-ymptote) AND
3. appear smart

Pre-AP Algebra 2 Teacher: Today we are going to learn about asymptotes.
Class Clown: Can't we listen to some bad asymptote music instead?

Two years later...

AP Calculus Teacher: Today we are covering differentiability. Corners, cusps and breaks are not differentiable.

Student #1: What is she talking about?
Student #2: I don't know. Who cares?
Student #3: Hey, did y'all hear about the bad ass fight in the cafeteria?

Calculus Teacher: Student #3, I did hear about the bad asymptote fight, but if you want to pass the AP Calculus Test so that you don't have to take Calculus in college, I suggest we focus on the fact that corners, cusps, and breaks are not differentiable. And yes, breaks can be asymptotes or holes.

Here's a fun way to remember what a break is: A BREAK-up in a romantic relationship is usually due to a partner being an ASS-ymptote. Use your imaginations with the word HOLES...

bad asymptote by faithyeni November 13, 2011